ASK A STRAY DAD: DOCTORED LYRICS

Q: So, how was your weekend? A: On Thursday a doctor in Ruidoso induced my sister-in-law, to try and evict the twins that had been living rent-free in her uterus for the past 9 months. As the Cytotec opened the front door and gave notice that Baby A and Baby B were to vacate theContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: DOCTORED LYRICS”

ASK A STRAY DAD 12:

ON WRITING. QUICKLY. Q: You look terrible.  A: You should know this by now. We’re pretending this is an advice column. Please phrase whatever you’re trying to say in the form of a question.  Q: You look…terrible? A: Thanks. I feel terrible.  Q: What happened? Stay up all night drinking? A: Replace “drinking” with “thinking”Continue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 12:”

ASK A STRAY DAD 3:

ON CRYING. *Note: This was originally written and posted on August 14. Thank you for your patience as I migrate everything over from another—ahem—Medium. Q: Why am I crying all the time? I’m a grown-ass man. What is wrong with me? Can you help me fix this, so I don’t look like a freak inContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 3:”

ASK A STRAY DAD 1:

On Existential Crises… *Note: This was originally written on July 27, 2019. Question 1: This doubles as an introduction. Why are we here? That’s easy. As a doting husband to Heidi and father(-ish) of four (I’ll explain later) about to embark on a super-dicey and potentially disastrous life change, I needed a place to ask myselfContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 1:”

Hi. I’m lost.

My name is Jason Effmann. I’m a writer, originally from Portland, OR, who has done a very questionable thing and taken a job that has required me to move to New York City. “Well that doesn’t sound TOO bad. How’s the family adjusting?“ Um… This blog is an attempt to answer the questions my brainContinue reading “Hi. I’m lost.”

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