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ASK A STRAY DAD: EMOTION SICKNESS

Q: You went to Universal Studios? How was Harry Potter World? By the time the broom lifted me off the ground for the second ride around, I just knew breakfast was pulling an Eggs Benedict Arnold, and that I was in deep, deep trouble.  The hard part should’ve been over. Our newly minted 21-year-old hatedContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: EMOTION SICKNESS”

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ASK A STRAY DAD: AWAKE IN ALBUQUERQUE

Q: What time is it? What are we doing up? It’s 4:35 on a Tuesday morning. It was even earlier when my brain shook me awake, but it took me a while to look at the clock because first I had to unpack that recurring dream where I really have to use the bathroom butContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: AWAKE IN ALBUQUERQUE”

ASK A STRAY DAD: BLOCKED

Q: SO, WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN WRITING? It’s so sweet of my attention-starved psyche to pretend someone’s actually been wondering this. You see— NOT SO MUCH A QUESTION AS BERATING YOU FOR WHATEVER THIS AIMLESS, FRUITLESS, SPINELESS PERIOD OF YOURS IS.  Do you think you could at least let me finish? You’re right: This is—hands-down—theContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: BLOCKED”

ASK A STRAY DAD: LAUNDRY DAY

If New York wants to seriously call itself the best city in the world, it needs to fix the washing machine.  Q: Where are you going with all that stuff? Are you moving out? A: Hah! I wish! This is seven weeks’ worth of dirty clothes, towels and sheets, tied up in two precariously thinContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: LAUNDRY DAY”

ASK A STRAY DAD: ON BILLS

You can’t spell Con Edison without Con. Q: What’s the hardest part about living in NYC so far? A: Well, before today I would’ve said it was laundry. And we’ll get to that some other time. But as of this morning, it’s paying my Con Ed Electric bill.  Q: How on earth is the hardestContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: ON BILLS”

ASK A STRAY DAD: MIDDLE AGE

When the calendar turned over to my birthday I found myself wide awake, in full-on process mode, like that period of time between when you push “Print” on a document and when the printer finally begins spitting the page out. I’m not normally a person who suffers from insomnia—I’m more like one of those dollsContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: MIDDLE AGE”

ASK A STRAY DAD 12:

ON WRITING. QUICKLY. Q: You look terrible.  A: You should know this by now. We’re pretending this is an advice column. Please phrase whatever you’re trying to say in the form of a question.  Q: You look…terrible? A: Thanks. I feel terrible.  Q: What happened? Stay up all night drinking? A: Replace “drinking” with “thinking”Continue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 12:”

ASK A STRAY DAD 11:

ON RUNNING Q: Why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit? You look like a tube of lipstick wearing a knit cap. A: Because I made a bargain that if my friends and family raised over $180 for P’s Run for the Arts fundraiser, I’d run 20 miles—80 laps of a standard track. Only I’ve beenContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 11:”

ASK A STRAY DAD 10:

ON HOSERS: An Existential (and Ultimately Fruitless) Interrogation of One of New York’s More Curious Habits. What are you doing? Why, rinsing off this patch of sidewalk with a garden hose, of course. Why? It’s 6:30 in the morning. It’s just a thing we do. New Yorkers. We New Yorkers. Us. Did someone throw upContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 10:”

ASK A STRAY DAD 9:

ON EMPTY CALORIES: The effects of cooking comfort food, thousands of miles away from where you feel comfortable. Q: I am living on my own for the first time in forever. What the hell am I supposed to eat? A: Well, tonight I had “Eggs in Purgatory.” Read whatever you want into that. Look, youContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD 9:”