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ASK A STRAY DAD: EMOTION SICKNESS

Q: You went to Universal Studios? How was Harry Potter World? By the time the broom lifted me off the ground for the second ride around, I just knew breakfast was pulling an Eggs Benedict Arnold, and that I was in deep, deep trouble.  The hard part should’ve been over. Our newly minted 21-year-old hatedContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: EMOTION SICKNESS”

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ASK A STRAY DAD: AWAKE IN ALBUQUERQUE

Q: What time is it? What are we doing up? It’s 4:35 on a Tuesday morning. It was even earlier when my brain shook me awake, but it took me a while to look at the clock because first I had to unpack that recurring dream where I really have to use the bathroom butContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: AWAKE IN ALBUQUERQUE”

ASK A STRAY DAD: DROPPING THE BALL

Q: How did you ring in the New Year? A: We made even less of a deal out of it than we normally do. In an average year we let talk show hosts boozily introduce singers we can’t stand while we binge-eat Christmas cookies and donate to causes we love but have totally forgotten aboutContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: DROPPING THE BALL”

ASK A STRAY DAD: BLOCKED

Q: SO, WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN WRITING? It’s so sweet of my attention-starved psyche to pretend someone’s actually been wondering this. You see— NOT SO MUCH A QUESTION AS BERATING YOU FOR WHATEVER THIS AIMLESS, FRUITLESS, SPINELESS PERIOD OF YOURS IS.  Do you think you could at least let me finish? You’re right: This is—hands-down—theContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: BLOCKED”

ASK A STRAY DAD: DOCTORED LYRICS

Q: So, how was your weekend? A: On Thursday a doctor in Ruidoso induced my sister-in-law, to try and evict the twins that had been living rent-free in her uterus for the past 9 months. As the Cytotec opened the front door and gave notice that Baby A and Baby B were to vacate theContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: DOCTORED LYRICS”

ASK A STRAY DAD: HOT AIR

Q: What’s the climate like up/down there? A: Well… Portland: Altitude: 50 feetTotal Precipitation, 2021: 35.58 inchesToday’s High Temperature: 68 Albuquerque:Altitude: 5900 feetTotal Precipitation, 2021: 5.50 inchesToday’s High Temperature: 92 The first thing to hit me was the altitude. One week into living at 6,000 feet I brushed my molars too vigorously and blacked out onContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: HOT AIR”

ASK A STRAY DAD: BRANCHES OF SELF-GOVERNMENT

Because I’m so damned pissed at the world right now. That’s why. Q: So what the hell’s been— A: Shhh. We’ll get back to that sometime soon. Meanwhile, here’s a thing that happened after my general revulsion at all the horribleness (and horrible people) in the world started doomscrolling through an entire feed of inspirationalContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: BRANCHES OF SELF-GOVERNMENT”

ASK A STRAY DAD: WEAR AND TEAR / FRIDAY

We made it to the end. And what have we learned? Probably nothing. 5 Days, 5 Ways to Style the GrandPro Rally, Day 5:  Does this feel like an overcorrection? Absolutely. And what, exactly, were you thinking? That you saw a couple of friends wandering around their neighborhoods in their wedding dresses, just as aContinue reading “ASK A STRAY DAD: WEAR AND TEAR / FRIDAY”