ASK A STRAY DAD: WEAR AND TEAR / THURSDAY

5 Days, 5 Ways to Style the GrandPro Rally—Working From Home Without Most of Your Clothes Edition  

One hour. That’s all you need, really. One motherfudging hour to get your motherfudging work done. But the kids keep coming, don’t they? Every couple minutes or so, absentmindedly rubbing a stick of butter against the stairwell or dripping watercolor paint on the dog or screaming over a “broken” iPad that’s simply run out of battery power. Pint-sized Captain Americas, these lot—relentless, always wanting you to either feed, entertain or clean up for them.

So: how are you gonna get that time?

By donning that swimsuit you bought in Mexico, the one to replace the one your better half finally admitted was WAY too thread-bare for you to be exiting a pool in any more. You are gonna put on that flamingo swimsuit and you are going to tell your kids that if they’re nice and quiet and don’t interrupt Daddy until he gets his work done maybe we can all go to the pool and go swimming. Yes, the one with the slides and the tall diving board. And when they ask you if you’re serious you can say, “I’ve got my swim trunks on, don’t I? THAT’S pretty serious.”

“But it’s April, and aren’t all the pools closed anyway?” Hell yeah they are. But there’s no way these adorable little heathens AREN’T going to interrupt you, so you’re absolutely safe. No one’s going swimming. No one’s going anywhere. And maybe you’ll only get 45 minutes, tops. But it’s better than nothing.

Pairs well with a down coat because it’s still freaking freezing out here in the only quiet spot on the property, and a T-shirt that says “THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN,” because it is.

Tomorrow: We wrap up the week. Hopefully!

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